Out of the Shadows

Oj and his brothers from CAAT Alpha - 2/8 USMC

There was a time when my husband had friends. Then he isolated himself from the world. He entered this PTSD program in Menlo Park, CA and gained new friends. He closed out on that one too. But one friend stood his ground and told everyone that he is there.

Bob Mullen. Vietnam Veteran, Master Joker and according to my husband, one crazy roommate. His stay at the program did not last. Based on my daily visit, the final few weeks was sort of an immersion - a focus on what happened to them. They sit in a small group (3 to 4 vets) and vocally revisit the most horrible moments that happened to them.

This blog is not a recap his horrible events. I want to celebrate his motivation and courage and have him read it while he's still alive (because people love celebrating a life when they're gone). He never told me his entire life but based on what I know, he's been through rough times and as an "old man" himself, he wants to help the "young men" in hopes that they don't have to endure what he had to endure when the Vietnam War ended.

He wrote a book and eventually created  a website called Out of the Shadows made specifically to help the troops - not just the Post-9/11 vets but every single vet alive, suffering from the horrific things they carry.

Though the website is still in progress, it's an informative read. It gives a veteran help; realization; hope. Ask Bob and he will answer. His website has a list of questions that most veterans, active duty members and their families have like "how do you know you have PTSD?" The website explains to all how the brain works and how it is conditioned in a whole new different way during boot camp and combat training. Eventually when their service to our country is over and they come back to their civilian lives, their minds need readjustment - readjustment that they were never trained for before leaving their military lives.

I begin to imagine what my husband went through. He had thirteen weeks of training at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot. Each day was a rude awakening that if you want to live, you will endure. They teach you that "pain is weakness leaving the body." Your objective is to live and therefore you shoot first, ask questions later. He was trained this way of survival and used it for (in his case) three years and ten months. Then the Corps (though grateful for his service) rendered him useless and medically discharges him. You know it only took two weeks for him to get his paperwork together, a couple of hours to complete his DD-214 then on February 14, he was "a free man" so he said. A little drinking get-together from his friends on his final day and then we drove from North Carolina to California.

He probably got pamphlets about "readjusting" to civilian life. But did he have another thirteen weeks of training to go back to his normal life? Never - why would American taxes pay for that?

So we, the veteran's family - though happy to have them back - ask ourselves: what in the world did I do wrong? Why is he so distant? This site may just be a place to get help especially to those who are still reserved about finding help from others.

Out of the Shadows gives hope - the hope that each veteran suffering from PTSD is not alone; that there is life to live. There are things that can replace your "expendable round," as how he talks about it. Moreover, he gives a valuable activity for a vet to slowly become at peace with his war.

This blog is not a full review of his website. It's a message to visit the website and take a good hour and potentially more. As a civilian, I ask my fellow civilians - my fellow spouses - to visit the website and seek help from its contents; realize what has been happening to their Marines and Soldiers; understand what PTSD does to you so you can give hope to your war-torn husbands (and wives).

I cannot force my husband to read the contents of the website (though he says he has seen it). I don't think he's ready to make peace with his war. But I am constantly coming back to this site to have a reference with what my husband may be going through.

Bob (you know, that old man) and Oj along with their fellow Marines at the PTSD clinic in Menlo Park, CA.